Well, then.

I've written on this blog for years, on and off, and even I bore myself with the idea of another post 'restarting' or 'relaunching' the thing. This is a place I've come now and again to marshal my thoughts, reflect, pontificate and share my experiences. 

And sometimes people read it. 

When my boyfriend and I bought our house almost a year ago, we were anxious to get in before Brexit happened and threw everything into uncertainty. Well, it turns out we had bigger things to worry about, and are thankful every day that we have our own space together, secure and welcoming, to hole up in while COVID-19 does its worst. Our little house, with its lush back garden, inviting path, and thick toe-warming carpets, is a far cry from the central Bristol flat riddled with black mould, patchy wall paint and an inexplicable hole in the bathroom floor beneath the U-bend. 

In the spring, just as England was locking down, we got a kitten, because a house is not a home until you have a small furry beast living in it with you. We've always wanted dogs, but thought it would be unfair to get one when we both work full-time and would be out of the house far too much (ha bloody ha). Freyja is now seven months old, has the build of a squirrel with narrow shoulders and the most plumy tail, and commands the majority of our attention. I honestly think lockdown would have been so much harder if we didn't have her to make us laugh, baffle us, and cover our bedsheets in black fur (no pets on the bed, we said. Hair-free zone, we said). She begs for food, sits for Dreamies, plays rough and loves having her belly stroked, so we did end up with a puppy after all. 

Freshly furloughed in March, J dug a vegetable patch in the garden, set up the compost bin, and coaxed up grass where previously there had only been moss and weeds. I ordered seed kits and packets, called a local garden centre to drop off compost, lavender and lemon balm, and collected seedlings from neighbours who were splitting their established plants. Never previously interested in gardening, I soon had a rampant gathering of herbs, cucumbers, chillies, wildflowers, tomatoes, nasturtiums, and geraniums, while J planted potatoes and onions in the veg patch and watched bemused as I spent much of my spare cash on dramatic houseplants. We've had mixed success, but the drive to take care over our first ever garden was overwhelming, even when heatwave after heatwave pummelled the poor plants, and gales blew in from the sea, hurling pots across the garden and stripping the seedlings. When trying to work full-time from home in a challenging job gets too much, one of my favourite things is to putter round outside with my coffee, checking progress, pinching off dead leaves, and making plans. 

We're incredibly lucky to have this space, each other, the cat, and to be able to work from home in all of this. I work in the NHS but in an office, so it was relatively easy to pack up one Tuesday and never go back. Our food bill has shot up exponentially, partly because at the beginning, as shielders we were worried about getting any food at all and ordered for three weeks at a time, whenever my diligent dad could secure us a delivery slot. If we can't go out to eat or, well, do anything, we can at least add nice bread, a packet of smoked salmon, or the odd avocado to the shop. 

It feels good to be writing something other than emails and reports, for once. The stress and anxiety of the times has squashed any creative inkling for months. Remember when everyone was talking about using this time to finally write that novel, work out all the time, or do up the entire house? It takes enough energy just to push through and deal with each day's news as it comes in. I've been equipping myself with relaxation techniques, coping mechanisms, calming rituals and meditation routines like never before, and will always do a video call rather than a phone call, so I can see friends and family's faces. I mean, J has a gorgeous face (especially with the Viking-style lockdown cut we've perfected between us), but it's nice to look at other people's once in a while and connect that way. More on that - and everything else - in future posts, I expect...

It's nice to be back here.